“I Wish My Therapist Was My Friend”

Sometimes, clients tell me they wish I could be their friend. I hear it, and I understand it. Therapy is intense. You share things with me that you might not tell anyone else. You show parts of yourself that feel raw, messy, or even shameful. That kind of vulnerability naturally creates a bond.

It’s normal to wish that bond could exist outside the office. To imagine laughing together, sharing stories, or having the kind of connection friends have. That feeling doesn’t mean you’re needy or doing therapy wrong. It just means you want to be seen, and I want you to know that I do see you. I care about your struggles, your growth, and the parts of your life that matter most to you. That care is real, and it’s why I show up fully for you in this space.

At the same time, there’s a reason I can’t be your friend. Therapy is built on boundaries that protect you. Friendship comes with obligations and expectations. It can include misunderstandings or times when your needs might be balanced against someone else’s. In therapy, the focus is entirely on you. The boundaries keep the space steady, predictable, and safe.

Those boundaries aren’t about rejecting you. They make it possible for you to be seen fully, without worrying about how your story lands or how it affects me. I can celebrate your wins, hold the hard moments, and show up consistently in a way that friendship sometimes cannot.

Therapy isn’t friendship, but it can be a space where you experience care, understanding, and connection. That kind of attention allows growth and self-discovery. It allows you to practice being fully known without the weight of giving back. And in that space, something important happens. You start to feel supported in ways that friends, for all their warmth, might not be able to provide.